Do you ever have those moments when you just don't really care, but then some simple thing brings your attitude crashing to the ground? Plummeting, diving towards the stony surface beneath you where you land with a large
smack! and most likely break a few bones?
Well, maybe not that dramatic.
I just had one of those moments. Carefree, not really minding my wasted time, wasted life, wasted presence when
bang!. I was shot down.
Please check out
Gabby Heroux's blog. She is such a sweetie.
Guys, I can be a bad person.
Much too often for my taste.
I judge often, I forget too easily, and I am just not the type of person I would want to be friends with.
I am no where near the McCall I had always hoped and dreamed I would become, and you know what? Its crushing me.
I know, I know, its never too late, but it feels as if every time I attempt something I fail.
How can I become perfect when I know I'm going to fail?
Often times when I have a negative thought or begin to fear I imagine God reprimanding me and saying,
"Silly. You know that it will work out, stop pretending."
And then I am able to stop acting childish and relax.
Mostly.
And that is because I am pretending. Pretending to be scared, pretending to doubt.
Part of my problem is that I enjoy being negative, I enjoy feeling low down and stressing over stupid things. Don't ask me why - I couldn't tell you.
Maybe I need to see a doctor.
"Fear ye not, stand still, and see the salvation of the Lord. The Lord will fight for you, and ye shall hold your peace." Exodus 14:13-14
or my personal favorite:
"Therefore, fear not, little flock; do good; let earth and hell combine against you, for if ye are built upon my rock, they cannot prevail." D&C 6:34
My biggest flaws:
1) Jealousy
2) Doing wrong knowing full well I will regret it
3) Laziness
4) Narrow-mindedness
1) I compare myself to others all the time. It is a terrible habit, and it always sparks a craving within me to just be someone else. Anyone else.
Why on earth are there pretty people?
It's just not fair.
2) I am the worst kind of sinner - I know full well what I am doing and what the repercussions will include, but I do the misdeed anyway. No ignorance involved - just apathy.
3) My other concern is how I place so much emphasis on current. I want to relax now, I want to daydream and be antisocial now.
4) Finally, my strange inability to see things from other's point of view.
This is tentative - in some ways I am fairly skilled at stepping in someone else's shoes, but not when it come to how I am viewed by others.
I often misjudge how I come off or how I should respond to others - and it is really annoying. I feel as if I will never get over this social awkwardness.
Basically:
All that I want in life is to be happy and to make others happy. I want to be real.
I am so dissatisfied with my current character right now, I am not really an enjoyable person, and I just feel so FAKE around others. I hate it.
A few years ago I noticed that I was getting a message. And that message was that time is running out. I have no clue whether it was supposed to be specific, referring to a certain action I needed to perform quickly, or simply a reminder of my purpose, but I am scared. I am scared that I missed my chance and that I or someone else will suffer because of my lack of understanding.
There isn't much I can do now, but hope that I don't overlook anything else.
Wish me luck.
xoxo,
McCall
Do you ever have those moments when you just don't really care, but then some simple thing brings your attitude crashing to the ground? Plummeting, diving towards the stony surface beneath you where you land with a large
smack! and most likely break a few bones?
Well, maybe not that dramatic.
I just had one of those moments. Carefree, not really minding my wasted time, wasted life, wasted presence when
bang!. I was shot down.
Please check out
Gabby Heroux's blog. She is such a sweetie.
Guys, I can be a bad person.
Much too often for my taste.
I judge often, I forget too easily, and I am just not the type of person I would want to be friends with.
I am no where near the McCall I had always hoped and dreamed I would become, and you know what? Its crushing me.
I know, I know, its never too late, but it feels as if every time I attempt something I fail.
How can I become perfect when I know I'm going to fail?
Often times when I have a negative thought or begin to fear I imagine God reprimanding me and saying,
"Silly. You know that it will work out, stop pretending."
And then I am able to stop acting childish and relax.
Mostly.
And that is because I am pretending. Pretending to be scared, pretending to doubt.
Part of my problem is that I enjoy being negative, I enjoy feeling low down and stressing over stupid things. Don't ask me why - I couldn't tell you.
Maybe I need to see a doctor.
"Fear ye not, stand still, and see the salvation of the Lord. The Lord will fight for you, and ye shall hold your peace." Exodus 14:13-14
or my personal favorite:
"Therefore, fear not, little flock; do good; let earth and hell combine against you, for if ye are built upon my rock, they cannot prevail." D&C 6:34
My biggest flaws:
1) Jealousy
2) Doing wrong knowing full well I will regret it
3) Laziness
4) Narrow-mindedness
1) I compare myself to others all the time. It is a terrible habit, and it always sparks a craving within me to just be someone else. Anyone else.
Why on earth are there pretty people?
It's just not fair.
2) I am the worst kind of sinner - I know full well what I am doing and what the repercussions will include, but I do the misdeed anyway. No ignorance involved - just apathy.
3) My other concern is how I place so much emphasis on current. I want to relax now, I want to daydream and be antisocial now.
4) Finally, my strange inability to see things from other's point of view.
This is tentative - in some ways I am fairly skilled at stepping in someone else's shoes, but not when it come to how I am viewed by others.
I often misjudge how I come off or how I should respond to others - and it is really annoying. I feel as if I will never get over this social awkwardness.
Basically:
All that I want in life is to be happy and to make others happy. I want to be real.
I am so dissatisfied with my current character right now, I am not really an enjoyable person, and I just feel so FAKE around others. I hate it.
A few years ago I noticed that I was getting a message. And that message was that time is running out. I have no clue whether it was supposed to be specific, referring to a certain action I needed to perform quickly, or simply a reminder of my purpose, but I am scared. I am scared that I missed my chance and that I or someone else will suffer because of my lack of understanding.
There isn't much I can do now, but hope that I don't overlook anything else.
Wish me luck.
xoxo,
McCall
